Week IX: One good summer

It seems difficult to write genuine and sincere expressions of gratitude. It's hard to say them out loud, too. It seems that there are too few things to say. Thank you. You're welcome. On we go. I feel as though it's difficult to really thank someone in text or in speech and be heartfelt and succinct in equal measure. I don't want to gush at people, y'know?

I came home from a lovely vacation just a couple of days ago. I spent quality time with many of my closest friends and my family. It was a love-in all around. Kind words were spoken, laughs were plentiful. There was a lot of music and good conversation. There was chess and delicious meals and bowling and long walks and homemade doughnuts. And how do I sum up my gratitude for all the time and the love? One thousand words to figure it out, go!

I'm grateful to the people in my life who like to share good ideas. One of the more poignant thoughts that's stuck in my head from a good conversation is a simple phrase - one good summer. My friend Adrian and I were talking about how steady employment can be a terrific boost to one's creative output. If one was sufficiently disciplined, one might seize the opportunity provided by steady income to invest more time and resources in augmenting one's artistic abilities.

Adrian mentioned something he'd heard another artist say - that it only takes one good summer to truly boost your proficiency. It's your big chance. You're employed, you have most evenings free, there's a myriad of inexpensive educational resources available online. There's workshops and meetings. Go tighten up your game!

I'm looking towards a good summer. I want to make my intentions public. I think that this is a good way to express my gratitude to people who inspire me. Some of my friends are entrepreneurs. Harry runs his own recording studio now. Dylan and Lain are making art, performing, and designing beautiful permaculture. Brittany is writing a curriculum for preschools that teaches curiosity and holistic learning. Codie is booking gigs regularly by treating his rocking new band as a legitimate business endeavor. These are all people who I love and respect, and I'm inspired by their pursuit of their passions.

I want to show my gratitude through actions, not just words. This is just binary, it's just ASCII and backlit LCD screens and it's The Matrix and when the power goes out I don't have to admit to any of it. There's a bit in the bible in the book of Matthew that I like: "ye shall know them by their fruits." Grow good fruit. I want to put it out there and be accountable to myself, and to other people. I have a hard time staying on track, that's one of the reasons I got "do not be disracted" tattooed on my arm. This is my statement of purpose.

One good summer. And why not? Maybe I'm tempting fate when I say that it's fixin' to be a mighty good few months. I don't believe in fate, though. I believe in the possibility of getting blindsided by the reality train every once in a while. I believe that I can guide my own words and actions, and not their consequences. I believe that I can make the good parts of the coming months last a lot longer than one summer.

Here's my situation: I'm about to start 6 months of full-time work at a good job. I have reliable, full-time child care in place for my son. I have a car for when it's necessary, and a bike for when it's not. I'm healthy and physically fit. I'll have a lot of evenings free. Whether or not I'm successful in my plans is more or less up to me at this point, the resources are all there.

Here's where I want to go: I'm studying electronics engineering because I want to understand the technology side of music. Amps, effects, microphones, studio equipment, PA systems, you name it. I want to figure it all out. I want to be the guy that people go to when they need stuff fixed or set up. I want to go all mad scientist on some frankenstein robot projects. I want to get a lot better at math and circuit hardware design.

I can do all that stuff, and I also know my weakness. It's talking a big game, then not doing it. Failure to follow through on things I've talked about doing, and even started doing, is a recurring theme throughout my adulthood, and it's a cycle I intend to break. Some people are self-disciplined enough to realize their potential and follow their passions without making a big fuss about it on the internet. I'm not one of those people. I need to get it down in print and ask my friends to text me every once in a while to ask if I'm still doing what I ought to be.

I want to thank all of my friends who are hard working, disciplined people. I know that name-dropping is weird, and I don't want to exclude anybody. If we've exchanged Facebook messages recently, thank you for writing to me. If we've talked on the phone recently, thank you for speaking with me. If we've sat down over coffee and talked about something weird, thank you for laughing with me. If you've read my blog, thank you for listening to my ramblings. I would be disconsolate if I looked back at the end of this summer, saw all that love and encouragement, and realized that I'd failed to pass it along.

I hope that my thanks feels sincere. I know that words are easy, and backing them up is more challenging. Speak less, do more. Be disciplined. I'm leaving myself a reminder. Are you really grateful? Try not, do or do not.

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