I don't often sit and read full articles from the world news section. I'll skim the headlines once in a while. I spend a lot less time reading about American politics than I used to because I've more or less figured it out. They're unbelievably corrupt. This tells me much of what I need to know to understand what's happening. Perhaps that's an incredibly ignorant viewpoint. Like missing the forest for the tress, but in reverse.
The news is upsetting. I read about the civil war in Libya today. Apparently Russia is still selling weapons to the Assad regime. As with every war, the real losers are the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. It's a humanitarian crisis, the tragedy and scale of which is unfathomable to me, to you, and to anyone else who's never lived in a war zone.
War is too big and I'm too small. I can't influence the actions of governments halfway around the world. I can't help those people. I'll continue to make my small donations to a couple of organizations that I believe in each month. It'll never be enough. Enter one of my favourite turns of phrase from the many protests I've attended and the many volunteer organizations I've joined: think globally, act locally. Easy.
Consider an issue in which the Canadian government is presently invested. Education for women and girls in Afghanistan, for instance. Now follow the (simplified) chain: international humanitarian issue - Canadian diplomatic envoy - local governments and public policy navigation - Canadian embassy - Minister of Foreign Affairs (the Honourable John Baird, Conservative) - office of the Minister - underpaid intern staffer charged with Education in Afghanistan portfolio - you get the point. I'm a lot of steps removed from something that I'd like to see changed, but don't have the wherewithal to influence.
Things like women's rights in countries where religious extremists control public policy aren't prone to rapid improvement. Consider, though, that one might still be an influence for good in this complicated arena while acting on a very local scale. Follow the simplified chain in reverse - attend a supper hosted by the International Women's Catering society - eat some delicious curries - listen to a talk about the group who'll fly to Afghanistan with books and school building supplies paid for by the proceeds from dinner - eat more curry.
It's tempting at this point to run off on a tangent about how leaving the government out of it simplifies the hell out of the chain. That's a topic for another time. I'm just rambling here. Perhaps I'm getting my point across that a small local act can indeed have a profound effect on the world. I eat the samosas from the International Women's Catering society most Saturdays at the market. I like to think that I've really made a difference.
Today I participated in Victoria's first annual SlutWalk. It was organized by friends, and I'm grateful and inspired by their dedication in making the event such a tremendous success. I heard some excellent speakers and some truly humbling and heartbreaking stories from men, women, and trans people about their experiences as victims of rape and sexual violence.
Many of the speakers today addressed the issue that I brought up earlier - the rights and lack thereof for women and girls in many other countries around the world. The prevalence of rape and abuse in many parts of the world is sickening and staggering. Over and over it was stressed that we need to stop the violence and I agree wholeheartedly, but unfortunately a crowd of 300 waving signs and chanting slogans will have little effect on the Taliban's decision making process.
Fortunately, our sign-waving and slogan-chanting can have an immediate effect on people here in Victoria. Perhaps as a consequence of our collective efforts, more women will feel confident in coming forward and naming their abusers. Maybe a few men will remember the admonitions from the speakers today and look to how they might behave differently when interacting with women in social or sexual situations.
I have not been a victim of abuse. I grew up in a good home and I was fortunate to be raised by a good man who taught me that respect for women and girls was paramount. I can't undo the poor example that's set for my local brethren by other parents/relatives/friends/media outlets/whoever else. What I can do is speak out about what's right, and try to set the best example that I can for my friends, my relatives, and my son.
My number one goal in life to be a good father. I want to raise a child who makes the world better by his presence in it. I suppose that's a common goal for most parents. My son is not yet four years old, and I can already see my influence on his behaviour beginning to wane as he explores his own mind, his emotions, his ways of interacting with the world. I can't force him to be a good person. I can do my best to set a good example and hope that it sticks. When I think of the world I'd like to leave for him, it most certainly features men who are self-assured, forthcoming, responsible, communicative, and respectful towards the women in their lives.
It's difficult to find good role models as a man in today's world. They're not readily available. A lot of attention to this issue tends to focus on the unfair and damaging portrayal of women in popular culture. While this is unquestionably an important topic and well worth addressing, it's a lot less common to hear about the lack of influential men in pop culture and how that lack might cause some confusion among the ranks of adolescent boys.
I'm not well versed in pop culture, and I would struggle to provide many examples of popular male role models, good or bad. I suppose that I'm assuming things based on my impression of what's taught to be acceptable behaviour. It's especially galling to me that a pervasive and accepted model of interaction between men and women is essentially a game of predator/prey. But men are not predators, and women are not prey. I abhor the notion that sex is a pursuit of capture and conquest, and that gaining consent is like a war of attrition where women are taught to fend off the relentless advance of men who seem to have little respect for stated boundaries. The whole of the characterization needs to be thrown out for the sake of new language and new understanding.
I worry about the messages that my son will be exposed to when he starts to seek out media on his own. I hope that I can equip him with the tools to think about them critically and skeptically. I'm a bit far on to be changing courses towards international diplomacy, but maybe he'll take up a banner and a cause and get to changing the world. Or maybe he'll do what he can to make his neighbourhood and his community better. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm doing my best to raise my child in the company of people who will teach him about respect, justice, honesty, consent, and a genuine and enduring love for the people who he meets.
It feels like hubris to say that I can change the world, but on the other hand, it feels like resignation to say that I can't. I feel like I'd get about equal weight on both sides of that argument. Of course you can change the world, get out there and do it! Or, like David Bowie says, planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do. Maybe my local actions will ripple out internationally some day. I'll probably never know either way. As far as I can tell, that lack of knowledge is perhaps the most important element.
I'll never know how far my actions and words will reach. It's not my privilege in life to know. Their course is their own, and I cannot dictate it. I'll never know how many lives will be touched by the things that I choose to put out into the world. All the more reason to ensure whether for the community association meeting, the protest, the lesson, or just the chat with my neighbours, that my words and actions come from a desire to see them carried on the winds of love, honesty, and good intentions.
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